The guy in front of me in line at the airport was very upset. He was really giving a hard time to the young woman behind the counter, raising his voice, making demands and cutting her off when she tried to explain things. I didn't catch exactly what the problem was, but I could tell that the woman was doing her best to make things right and he just kept getting louder and more abusive.

When he finally stormed off and it was my turn to approach her, she greeted me quietly, avoiding eye contact. She was obviously shaken and disturbed by the incident.

"I just want you to know," I said, "that I think it was great the way you handled that. And I promise you I am going to be the best customer you have today." I gave her a big smile and said, "Forget about him. Let's hit the reset button and start over." She was wonderfully attentive in the service she provided for me, and at the end she looked at me with wet eyes and gave me one of the most sincere "thank you's" I think I have ever received.

This incident reminded me of something important: We seldom really know the whole story behind peoples' behaviors. If I had not witnessed the exchange between this woman and the irate customer before approaching her counter, I may have assumed that she was just being rude and distant to me. For that matter, who knows what was going in the life of that man who was giving her a hard time. Maybe he is a difficult person with an obnoxious sense of entitlement. Or maybe he was experiencing extraordinary stress that caused him to behave in an uncharacteristic way.

The point is, as long as we are spending our days interacting with fellow human beings we are going to get frustrated by them sometimes. It's easy to simply categorize a patient or a team member in any given situation as "difficult" and leave it at that. But do you really know all the circumstances in their lives at that moment? If you did, your perception might change considerably.

I'm not saying you have to like or accept bad behavior. But sometimes just recognizing our shared humanity, and the frustrations we all face, goes a long way to helping us understand each other. Sometimes that understanding can help you lift another person out of a sour mindset. Other times there is nothing left to do but smile and push the reset button.


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Comments

Commenter's Profile Image Mike Weisbrod
May 13th, 2013
This is water. Listen to the speech at Kenyon College in 2005 by David Foster Wallace. I found it posted on Facebook, it was linked to upworthy.com.
Commenter's Profile Image Costin Marinescu
May 13th, 2013
Wonderful article Imtiaz! Tolerance will empower one in discovering the real person behind a face and listening is the best skill we can ever aquire in our lives. It enables us to "patiently" Wait ... and not jump to conclusions (no matter how "rewarding" that might feel)
Commenter's Profile Image Muna Strasser
May 22nd, 2013
This is a lovely expression of a fundamental truth. So often our values cloud the way we perceive others, and often I have found that people who get frustrated with others expect them to share the same values. I once had a receptionist who COULD NOT be kind and understanding to patients that failed to fulfill their obligations to us- financial or other. She would hide in a side office upon their arrival, unable to even offer them the slightest courtesy. This is someone who attended weekly bible classes and church without fail! It was very difficult for me to make her understand that being in a health service profession means that one has to assume the best intentions from patients, and to be diplomatic regardless, because one cannot assume that everyone was raised in the same fashion with the exact same mindset. Sometimes, patients make promises they truly intend to keep, yet fail, despite their intentions, and it is not wanton intention. And we all bring our experiences to every interaction, so your points are beautiful ones. It is wonderful when we have staff that support each other (and us) when they are involved with people having a difficult day looking for a place to take it out. It's also great to remember how much energy that consumes to interact with those people, and do our best to be good support systems to each other when presented with these people having bad moments.