Self-Awareness: An Essential Trait of Contemporary Team Building

To thrive in the health care world, we need to be on top of our game, treating patients holistically and embracing team building as a full-time job. As Sam Altman (CEO of OpenAI, but former CEO of Y Combinator, one of the most robust startup incubators in Silicon Valley) frames it: “successful businesses thrive when customers go out of their way to talk about their experience”; however, such experience needs to be curated by the whole team.

Therefore, as team builders, we are responsible for calibrating the energy within our teams and continually fine-tuning the functioning structure of how “we” operate and deliver the experience.

Self-awareness in team building

Years ago, I found a quote that beautifully captures the quintessential spirit of team building. In his book The Art of Successful Communication, Norman G. Shidle says: “A group becomes a team when each member is sure enough of his contributions in order to praise the skills of others.”

This simple yet profound insight suggests carrying out something that’s easier said than done, because it requires the right chemistry among the members of the team, as well as sincere admiration for and from our fellow teammates, paired with a high level of self-awareness (and self-esteem). We’re all human, and it’s difficult to consistently govern our words, behavior, and feelings. We can all have good and great days and some bad days. The outcome of a bad day is usually commensurate with the number of “emotional poker chips” we possess. Because teams comprise multiple players, it becomes increasingly complex to consistently quantify the stash of emotional poker chips from each member in our team every day.

Being cognizant of how our stash plays a vital role in our daily team dynamics. On a basic level, self-awareness is nothing more than seeing ourselves clearly but seeing how we fit into the world; it is the ability to recognize and understand our emotions, strengths, weaknesses, values, and motivations. Therefore, it becomes a fundamental aspect of personal growth and development. Self-aware individuals are better equipped to manage various situations and interact with others more effectively, which allows leaders to navigate with authenticity, empathy, and adaptability.

However, according to behavioral psychologist Tasha Eurich’s research, many people overestimate their self-awareness. We believe we understand ourselves and our impact on others much better than we actually do, and this overconfidence becomes harmful as it hinders personal growth and effective interactions with others.

Many of you may consider yourself quite self-aware. Well, I hate to disappoint you, but this may not be all that accurate.

In her best-selling book Insight, Eurich describes two completely unrelated facets of self-awareness: an internal and an external facet. These refer to how individuals perceive and understand themselves in relation to their own thoughts and feelings (internal) and how others perceive and understand them (external). And so it happens that both dimensions of self-awareness are essential for personal and interpersonal growth and effectiveness.

Internal self-awareness

Internal self-awareness, which involves introspection and self-reflection, is the ability to examine our thoughts, emotions, values, strengths, and weaknesses. It lets us understand our motivations and why we think and feel like we do. Internally self-aware individuals display a high emotional intelligence; they recognize and manage their own emotions, which is essential for making sound decisions, managing stress, and forming healthy relationships. This is why internal self-awareness is conducive to developing:

• Personal growth. When you know your strengths and weaknesses, you can work on improving yourself and setting realistic goals.
• Self-regulation. Understanding your internal state helps you regulate your behavior and responses, which enables you to manage your impulses and reactions effectively.
• Self-identity. Internal self-awareness contributes to a powerful sense of self-identity. It allows you to define your values, beliefs, and identity, which can guide your life choices.

External self-awareness

External self-awareness, meanwhile, involves understanding how we’re perceived by others, being attuned to their thoughts, feelings, and reactions to our behavior. This is crucial for effective social interactions, including team dynamics. It stems from being open to feedback from others and valuing their perspectives, and allows us to learn from others’ observations and adjust accordingly.

• Leadership effectiveness. Leaders with high external self-awareness can better understand the needs and concerns of their team members, leading to better decision-making.
• Interpersonal skills. Understanding how our actions affect others is essential for building and maintaining positive relationships. External self-awareness helps us adapt our communication and behavior to different social contexts and circumstances.
• Teamwork. In a team or group setting, external self-awareness is crucial for collaboration. It helps team members understand each other’s strengths, weaknesses, and communication styles, facilitating better teamwork.

Enhancing our external self-awareness

Even the most self-aware individuals exhibit some blind spots, which can be categorized as:

• Knowledge blindness. Overestimating what we think we know. The more we think we are experts on a subject, the more we exhibit blindness. This is often described as the Dunning-Krueger effect: “When confidence exceeds competence.”
• Behavioral blindnesss. We simply cannot see certain things about our behavior that are obvious to others.
• Emotional blindness. Not understanding the overall context of our feelings.

To improve external self-awareness, we need to seek periodic feedback. This means actively asking three to five close individuals, such as colleagues, friends, mentors, or family members, to provide feedback. We also need to be picky about the people we choose, because not everyone is fit for the job.

Feedback should consist of specifically asking for honest assessments of our strengths and weaknesses (Check out this article on some strategies for providing and receiving feedback).

The caveat is that we’re not always willing to receive feedback (days with a low stash of emotional poker chips); therefore, these sessions need to be structured in such a way that both the provider and the receiver are protected. Giving feedback produces tension in both parties. For the giver, it requires showing some level of vulnerability, and for the receiver, it requires even more. The session should be brief and geared toward reviewing specific traits.

Structured feedback technique

1. Select a specific area that you want to receive feedback for.
2. Then the receiver starts with the following format: “From 0 to 10, please provide a number that represents your perception of me as a leader.”
3. “OK, I will give you a 7.”
4. If the receiver just thanks the giver without further comments, that means the feedback provider should not continue, because the receiver is not emotionally ready to hear it.
5. If the numeric assessment resonates with the receiver and they feel good about continuing the process, then after verbally thanking them, they should ask: “Can you provide me with a recommendation of how you think I can improve?”
6. The giver then proceeds, providing such recommendation such as,“I think you should try to avoid being on social media during working hours because it seems to distract you from your leadership role.”
7. When the giver is done, the receiver needs to thank them — avoiding justifying why they do it — and let the advice sink in. Then the session is over.

Receiver tasks

• Active listening. Practice empathy by putting yourself in others’ shoes and trying to understand their perspectives and emotions. Develop active listening skills by giving your full attention to the members of your team, asking clarifying questions, and reflecting on what you have heard before responding.
• Self-reflection: Take time to reflect on your interactions and experiences. Consider how your actions, words, and decisions may have affected others. Periodic journaling can be a valuable tool for self-reflection. Write down your thoughts and feelings about various situations and how you think others perceived you. Compare these to what you hear, and then adjust your habits/behavior accordingly.
• Non-verbal cues: Pay attention to nonverbal cues including body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice during conversations. These cues can provide valuable insights into others’ feelings and reactions. Try to match your nonverbal cues with your verbal communication to ensure your message is consistent and clear.

10 key attributes of self-aware leaders

1. Emotional intelligence. Self-aware leaders are in tune with their emotions and can also empathize with the emotions of others.
2. Authenticity. Self-aware leaders are genuine; they do not try to be someone they’re not or hide their vulnerabilities.
3. Adaptability. Self-aware leaders are open to change and can adapt their leadership style to different situations and individuals.
4. Self-regulation. Self-aware leaders can manage their emotions, stay composed under pressure, and make rational decisions.
5. Self-improvement. Self-aware leaders are committed to personal growth and development.
6. Conflict resolution. Self-aware leaders are adept at resolving conflicts within their teams. They can identify the root causes of disagreements and address them in a constructive, empathetic manner.
7. Empathy. Self-aware leaders have a deep sense of empathy. They can understand the perspectives and feelings of their team members, which helps them provide support, guidance, and mentorship effectively.
8. Better decision-making. Self-aware leaders make more informed and well-rounded decisions. They consider their own biases and emotions, as well as the potential impact of their decisions on others, leading to more balanced and ethical choices.
9. Inspiration and motivation. Self-aware leaders lead by example; they set high standards for themselves and inspire others to do the same.
10. Resilience. They can bounce back from setbacks, learn from their failures, and maintain a positive outlook even during challenging times.

Remember, most self-aware people have between three and five people who provide periodic feedback, so if you don’t already practice this routinely, you need to find these “loving critics” you trust to be high-value, short-term-invested feedback providers. Remember that these nuanced details become critical to ensure a sustainable endeavor — and keep an eye on your stash of emotional poker chips!

Team building is an ongoing process, and as such, team builders must commit to improving external self-awareness, which requires continuous effort and self-reflection. By actively seeking feedback, practicing empathy, and honing your interpersonal skills, you can enhance your ability to understand how others perceive you and build more effective relationships.